Maxwell Edison Story!!

Dit is een ownage Filmpje, getekend naar het liedje "Maxwell's Silver Hammer" van de Beatles.

De Van Alles Page Door Woodcut X (AKA Emiel)

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Fellowship Of The Noobs - By SpiritDetect!

Once upon a time, Zamorak, the great lord of evil and destruction unleashed his minions upon the villagers of the world. Many fighters from all over the lands gathered together and attempted to slay the lord of evil himself, but many have failed. After three years of constant siege and warfare between the zamorakians and the Saradomin… er, peoples; one group of heros finally managed to trap the demon itself within the walls of old Varrock, and with one final blow, Zamorak was defeated and banished to the very inner cores of hell, where… his wife yelled at him for coming home late.

During the final battle, Zamorak’s legendary ring, the Apocalypse Circle was shattered into many pieces and scattered all over the lands. The council, who amusingly call themselves Jagex, are now constantly in search of missing ring pieces so that they can control the world.

Many years have passed since the final battle. The world is now a much more peaceful place. The inhabitants have slowly rebuilt their towns, lives, and made pie. Lots and lots of pie. Our story begins in a small castle outpost in the northern lands. Many people would rather avoid the place due to the rumors of being swarmed by.. “Noobs”. These creatures are known to follow people around, speaking incoherently while begging for free stuff. The place is called…. (dum dum dum) Lumbridge.

It was a bright and sunny day in Lum… aww, forget it. No more annoying narrations.

“Spirit… Spirit, wake up!”

Huh? I wasn’t sure what happened. I was minding my own business picking cabbages when some guy wearing an ugly hat decided to attack me. I was kicking his butt really badly and then I somehow ended up in this town again. What’s really annoying is that I lost all my cabbages. I spent like 50 bazillion hours picking them today, and now all that work has gone done the drain.


Oh yeah. This would be a good time to look around. I think I hear someone shouting my name… hmm, nope. I see no one at all. Oooh, a cookie. Yum.


Maybe I should turn around. Yeah, good idea. Oh! So that’s who was yelling at me, okay. I turned around and saw Ayumi, a friend of mine that I met a few minutes ago. Or was it last week? She’s a funny person. I’m kinda jealous because she has 5 gold pieces more than I do. I spent every single day for the last two days picking cabbages, and she decides to beat up a goblin and take his armor, and she ended up with more money! Isn’t that cheap?

“Finally. I thought you would never turn around. Look what I found, it seems to be some kind of a treasure shard.”

Ayumi held out her hand and showed me a pretty glowing thing. It was silver-ish in color, had a broken ruby embedded in the middle, and had a strange mystical energy surrounding it. It looked like one of those really cheap plastic rings that you get from kicking imps.

“Let’s sell it for some bronze!” I said enthusiastically.
“No, you idiot.” responded Ayumi. “It looks really valuable. Why don’t we take this to Varrock and sell it there? We’re sure to get plenty of coins for it.”
“And then can we buy some bronze?”
“Fine. Then we’ll buy some bronze.”

A new adventure is about to begin! “Dodoodododo- Ow!!”

“Stop that. It’s annoying.” said Ayumi.

“Fine.” I agreed. We continued walking down the marble paved streets, I could see the general store up ahead. I stuck my hand into my backpack and pulled out a freshly baked apple pie and began munching on it.

“Where did you get that?!?”
“I found it. It’s mine, get your own.”
“No! It’s my pie, get your own!”

I began running towards the general store as fast as I could, while stuffing the pie into my face at the same time. Ayumi was chasing me while shouting something. What’s she saying anyway..?

Oh. Never mind, it wasn’t nice. Guess I should keep on running.

Ayumi looked angry, her silly black wizard hat somehow managed to stay on top of her long purple hair. Her robes were ugly though. She said she was attacked by some shade thingie, and then she kicked it in the… um, knees and killed it. Wow, I sure think a lot when I’m running!


Ow. The stupid door ran into me. I hate doors, they’re always mean to me. It didn’t hurt much though, the only bad part was I dropped the rest of my apple pie. Now I’ll be hungry and all sad and lonely and-

“Why you little…”

Hmm. Looks like Ayumi finally caught up with me. She runs pretty slow for someone wearing a funky hat.

“Well… at least we’re at the general store now. Might as well get some supplies before we head out.”
“Okay. Can I have some bronze please?”
“Fine… I’ll buy you some bronze.”
“I have some cabbages, I can sell them and buy myself a wooden shield.”
“Whatever. Just get something useful and meet me by the furnace near the bridge.”

“Okay.” I walked off and headed towards the store owner. He usually gives me free stuff, but I always have to beg a lot. He doesn’t usually give out free stuff unless I get a whole bunch of my friends and we all beg together at once. This reminds me of the time where this one knight walked by and he was wearing this shiny blue armor and we piled him. It was funny because no one ever messed with us again. Oh yeah, I gotta buy some stuff now.

I walked over to the counter. Joe was standing nearby, he owns the store. I don’t think he likes me very much..

“Oh my god it’s Spirit again…” whispered Joe.
“Be nice. He’s still a customer.” said his wife.

“Ca…Ca.. Can I help you?” asked Joe in a hesitant voice.
“Yeah do you have any bronze I can have please?”
“Uh.. Sure, just a minute..”

Joe ran into the backroom and started whispering with his wife again.
“What should we do? He’s gonna ask for free stuff again.”
“Well… ask him if he has anything to trade.”
“Good idea!”

Joe came back. He was looking kinda sweaty and nervous.

“Can I have that wooden shield on the shelf please?” I asked.
“D.. Do you have anything to trade?” asked Joe.

I started pulling stuff out from my backpack. I had some gum, a cabbage, a coin, some pie crust, another cabbage, a piece of cheese, an air rune, some burnt shrimp, and an ugly paper hat that I found a few years ago.

“I’ll give you my ugly blue paper hat for your wooden shield.” I said.

Joe took one look at my paper hat and froze. I don’t think he wants it. It’s only an ugly paper hat, after all. But then again I’m smarter than him. If he’s stupid enough, he’ll trade me the shield.

“Take it!! Just take it and leave!!!” Joe snatched the blue paper hat right out of my hands, threw the wooden shield at me and ran into the backroom. I guess he was stupid enough to buy my worthless blue paper hat after all. Pfft. Who would want a stupid hat that says “Party!” on it anyway.

I was satisfied with my trade. Suckers like Joe really make my day. I started walking towards the bridge. For some reason, I couldn’t help but feel slightly guilty about ripping Joe off. I turned around to take one final look at the town of Lumbridge, and the general store where I had committed my cruel deed.

Wait a minute… is that Joe? He seems awfully happy for someone that just got ripped off… heh. He must really like the stupid hat.

“Come on, I’m not waiting for you all day!” yelled Ayumi.
“Oh, I’m coming!” I responded.

Well, a new adventure is about to unfold. I shall find treasure upon my new journey, and make hundreds of coins to buy bronze with! I shall be rich!!! Mhahahhaha!

“Shut up, Spirit.”
“Yes ma’am.”

We’ve been walking in the woods for about three days now. Ayumi and I have decided to take the shortest route to Varrock. But for some reason we took the wrong turn about a day ago, so now we’re basically lost.

“Spirit, are you sure we’re going the right way?”

Oh yeah, and Ayumi doesn’t realize it yet.

“We might as well make camp here. It‘s getting dark.” said Ayumi.
“Fine.” I replied.

We began unpacking our supplies, I took out a red berry pie from my backpack and started eating it while Ayumi began chopping down the nearby trees with a mithril forged hatchet.

“Get off your lazy bum and help me!” exclaimed Ayumi.

I finished the rest of my pie and stuffed the dish in Ayumi’s backpack. I just hope that she doesn’t notice. I walked over to a small nearby shrub and began cutting it.

“What are you doing?” asked Ayumi.
“I’m cutting the tree, lol.” I responded.
“You don’t cut down a tree with an air rune, stupid.”
“You don’t?”
“Never mind. Just go back and sit there.”

I took out a cabbage and began sniffing it. The smell of cabbage is always appetizing. I love cabbages.

“There. That should be enough.” said Ayumi. She was brought over a bundle of logs, placed them down on the ground and took out her tinderbox.

“I wanna light the fire! Let me do it! Please please please!!!” I yelled out.

Ayumi gave me an annoyed look, then threw the tinderbox at me.

“Now strike the match slowly and carefully, you don’t want to-”


I burnt my hand. The tinderbox doesn’t work very well. I hate cheap stuff. But the light sure is pretty though. Ooooooh…

“Let go of the match, you idiot!”

Oh. Oh yeah, I still had the match in my hand, which would certainly explain why my hand hurted.

“Do you like eggs, Ayumi?” I asked.
“Shhhh. There’s someone here.” she responded.
“Oooh! Is it a friend? I like friends!”
“Shut up, you moron. Someone’s watching us… Zypharious Ventus!

A silver stream of air shot out of Ayumi’s hand. The jet stream rapidly rushed through the trees, cutting leafs and branches before it finally struck something.

A shadowy figure began rushing towards us. Ayumi took out a few more runes and jumped back, preparing to strike again.

“You… suck!!!!!!! I hates you now!!!!” yelled the shadowy figure as it plunged towards Ayumi. A beer mug suddenly flew towards her. Ayumi was quickly to react, and leaped away. The beer mug shattered on the ground, pieces of glass flew everywhere.

“I hates you!!! My face!!! It hurtz!!!!” screamed the figure in pain. I walked over to it and saw a short little man wearing a steel cap, a crusty tan colored shirt, and torn red pants. He was about 4 foot tall, and kinda ugly too. Er.. I mean, special. Really, really special. He has a black eye, now all swollen from the thingie that Ayumi shot at him. He has three ears, which is pretty cool. Oh wait, the middle thing is a nose, never mind..

“I’m sorry.” said Ayumi. “I thought you were a hostile creature, waiting to attack us. I should have waited instead of acting so rashly.”
“Aye, s’okay.” said the ugly little man.
“Here, have some potato stew. It’ll make you feel better.”
“Well, I dunt want any stew. But there is something else…”

“What is it?” said Ayumi as she listened patiently.
“I’d be really glad if you could give me a wee kiss.”

Ayumi now had a strange expression on her face. I think she’s happy, or sad, or scared, or both.

“You can forget it!” yelled Ayumi.
“Aww, why not? You hurt me beautiful face.” asked the ugly little man.

“Oh! I know, give the ugly little man some pie instead!” I said.

“I ain’t ugly!” Shouted the ugly little man. “I ain’t little either! I’m a dwarf, we’re supposed to be this tall… *mumble* stoopid monkey…. Now if the pretty lady will- Where did she go off to now?”

I turned around and saw Ayumi reaching out for something in her backpack. She took out a fishing net, quickly ran to the river, grabbed something and came back. She walked over to the ugly.. Uh, dwarf. I could tell that she had something in her hands.

“Well… if you insist.” said Ayumi. “But you gotta close your eyes.”
“Oh boy, this be me lucky day!” said the dwarf as he slowly closed his eyes.
“Now pucker up!”

The dwarf had his lips in a kissing motion and began making funny sounds. “Mwa! Kiss me, darlin’!”

“Ugh.” I could tell then that Ayumi wasn’t happy about this. Then she smiled. I couldn’t watch. This was too gross. I hate watching people kiss. It makes me feel all icky.

I opened my eyes. Nah, I wouldn‘t miss this. Ayumi stood far away from the dwarf and held out a trout. She brought it towards the dwarf, and… ew. The dwarf had kissed a trout. She quickly tossed the trout, and I ran towards it, managing to catch it. The trout’s eyes were all puffed up and red. It was gasping for air, or water, or.. Mouthwash. I released it back into the river, where it swam for about a second, then turned on its belly and floated to the surface. I guess it was sleeping.

“You be a good kisser.” said the dwarf as he opened his eyes.
“Uh.. Thanks..” replied Ayumi as she laughed nervously.
“Well, I have decided to give you a present.” said the dwarf as he held out a green taco thing.

“What is it?” asked Ayumi.
“Why, it be a kebab!” said the dwarf. “Keep it on your journey, and may it come in handy one day. It’s made from camel meat, it’s quite good if you ask me.”
“Thanks….” said Ayumi as she hesitantly stuffed it into her bag.

Ayumi walked over to me and nudged me in the elbow.

“Psst. Let’s get out of here before any more weirdos show up.”
“Okay.” I began following her and we continued walking through the forest. The dwarf waved at us from the distance. Ayumi turned around and waved back, with a disgusted look on her face.

“You know, you didn’t have to be so mean.” I said.
“I guess you’re right, Spirit… Not!” replied Ayumi.


“Idiot.” said Ayumi as she slapped me on the back of the head.

“Hurry up, Spirit, we’re almost there!” yelled Ayumi.

“Wait up!” I replied. We finally found our way through the woods after two entire weeks of traveling. Our original plan was to go to varrock, but somehow we took a wrong turn a while back and ended up in the countryside. We weren’t too far away from the small village of Draynor, guess we could stay there for a bit and replenish our supplies.

BZZZZT! A bolt of lightning came from the skies and struck the ground in the distance. Dark, grey clouds began moving in from the horizon. Winds blew furiously as the crimson autumn leafs swirled around and scattered.

“We better get to a house before it rains,” said Ayumi. “This weather doesn’t look too good.”

We continued running until we got to the crossroads. There was a four-way sign in the middle that read “Draynor Village- South. Population: 500 300 125”. Something doesn’t look right here. But there’s no time to wait, the storm was coming.

Within minutes, we arrived at a little broken down farm located about 100 yards away from the village. It was deserted. Dusty barrels and haystacks filled the room, and rats and spiders crawled and crept throughout.

I took out a slice of meat pie and began eating it. It tasted really good. Uh-oh. I better hide it before Ayumi sees it. She’ll want some of it too.

“We should get some rest. We have a long journey ahead of us.” said Ayumi. “Wait a minute.. Is that pie?”

“No.” I said as I stuffed the rest of the pie into my mouth. “I don’t have any pie, see?”

“Whatever. I-”

BAM BAM! Someone was at the door.

“Oh my gosh! Do you think the aliens are here to abduct us?!?” I asked.
“Shut up you idiot. You know there are no such things as aliens.” Ayumi replied.
“There are too!”
“There are not. You’re just a stupid little moron constantly thinking of -

BAM BAM! The knocks grew louder.

“Oh yeah, well you’re a goblin poo!” I yelled.
“Takes one to know one.” Ayumi responded calmly.
“Your mom!”
“Look, there’s no point arguing, why don’t we get the door-”

WHAM! The decaying wooden door cracked and splintered as a man wielding a steel sword charged in. He wore a black cape and a mask which covered most of his eyes and face. He looked really angry.

“Ahhhhh! It’s the boogie monster!” I screamed and ran down the room, jumping into a barrel.

“Stand and deliver!” said the man.

He swung his sword at Ayumi, and slashed at her arm. Ayumi easily dodged the man’s strikes, and leaped back.

“What do you want?” asked Ayumi in an annoyed voice.

“Give me all of your stuff, or else! Mhahhahahhaha!” replied the man.

“Or else what?”
“Or else I‘ll kill you all and take your money! Mhahahhahahah-


The man’s laugh broke off as Ayumi punched him in the face. The man fell over, holding his face and began to cry.

“You’re mean! I’m telling my mom on you!” cried the man as tears ran down his cheeks.

“You’re pathetic.” said Ayumi as she walked away.

“Nah-uh! I mobbed two little kids last week and got 4 gold coins, beat that!” said the man as he held out a small sack containing some gold.

“Mine now.” Ayumi snatched the bag and stuffed it into her pockets.

“Meanie!” Shouted the man as he cried even more. “That was my lunch money you jerk!” His shirt was now soaked with tears. Or rainwater. That too.

“Oh fine. You’re a bigger noob than Spirit.” said Ayumi as she threw the sack of coins back towards the man.

“Hey! I’m not a noob!” I yelled angrily as I jumped out of the barrel.

“Whatever. The rain stopped anyway. Let’s head to town and buy some supplies.” said Ayumi as she began to leave.

“What about me?” asked the Man.

“Who cares about you? Get lost.” said Ayumi.

“Aww, you’re soo mean!” said the man as he started crying again.

“But look at him!” I pleaded. “He seems so sad.”

The man looked at Ayumi, and made a puppy eye face thingie.

“One idiot in enough for this trip, now come on before I decide to leave you too.” said Ayumi.

“Wait!!” yelled the man. “If you let me go with you, then I’ll give you some free runes.”

“Runes, you say?” asked Ayumi curiously. “Fine. We might as well take you anyway, since you are useful for something…”

“Yay!” The man got up and started dancing.

“Stop that.” Demanded Ayumi.


As the three of us headed towards the town, the sky slowly cleared up and a bright clear horizon was in view. We arrived at the corner of the village trading post.

“Okay. Each of you take some gold and start buying supplies. When you’re done meet me by the village bank.” said Ayumi.

“Wait.” said the man. “I’ve got some runes for you, milady.”

“Nah. Forget it.” replied Ayumi. “Just keep them for now. But wait… what is your name anyway?”

“Why how rude of me! I forgot to introduce myself. My name is Count Van Jack Polo Smithamire. But you can call me Isaac.” said the man as he smiled.

“Okay, Isaac. Now tell me something about this town. Why are there only 125-”


A tiny white horse galloped at us and tackled Ayumi.

“Ooh look it’s a toy horsie!” I bent down to pet the toy horse, but it bit me on the finger.

“Ouch!” Another toy horse came charging from the shrubs and leaped onto Isaac. This one was grey.

“What the hell is going on?” asked ayumi. “Why are the toy horses attacking us?”

A black horse busted through a nearby crate and bit Ayumi’s behind. Follow by a brown one that jumped onto Isaac’s head and began ripping at his hair.

“We’re all gonna die!!!! Ahhhhhhhh!” yelled Isaac as he began running around in circles.

“Ayumi, help me!” Yelled out Isaac as the four toy horsies continued to bite and kick him.

Ayumi took out her air runes. “Zypharious-

“STOP!” Cried out a voice in the tavern. A man wearing a brown cavalier hat rushed out and stopped Ayumi.

“Don’t hurt my horses, please!” Pleaded the man. “They mean no harm, they’re just scared.”

“Scared of what?” Asked Ayumi.

The man began talking. “My name is Diango, my magic toy horses and I have lived in peace for many years. Recently, our lord Count Draco Woot-Woot Van Drakken fell ill to a plague, and died. Upon his death, the priests of Saradomin warned us and insisted that his body should be burned. We did not want them to desecrate our lord’s soul and honor, so we instead went against the advice of the priests, and buried him in a coffin sealed with arcane energy. That wasn’t the end of Count Drakken. Somehow, the plague caused him to become a bloodthirsty vampire, and he is now amongst the undead. By day he rests within the coffin in his mansion down in the woods, and at night he and his minions of darkness come to our town and feast on the blood of the villagers. Within weeks, the population of Draynor village dropped from 500 to less than 125. Many families have migrated to the nearby fishing port of Sarim village. And…”

*Snores* “Huh? What was that again?” asked Ayumi as she yawned.

“Our village is in need of heros, we need someone to complete this task and put our lord Count Drakken to rest. If you could help us, we would be eternally grateful to you.” replied Diango.

“What do we get in return?” Questioned Ayumi.

“Well, rumor has it that Count Drakken has a vast supply of ancient artifacts, along with gold, silver, and many legendary treasures awaiting to be found”.

“Now I’m interested. Fine, we’ll do it.” said Ayumi as she picked up her bag from the ground, she carried it over her shoulders, and began to walk off. “Let’s go boys. I’d like to get this done before dinner, I’m hungry.”

“A word of advice, milady,” said Diango. “A vampire can only be slain by having a wooden stake-

“Move it or lose it, you guys! We don‘t have all day!” Yelled Ayumi.


A few hours later, we arrived at the woods. The sun was slowly setting, and a every tree casted a shadow on the cold barren grounds. A mist began to fill the forest. We walked slowly through the mass of trees, it was now getting late, the full moon was now as bright as ever beyond the twilight.

Whoosh! A shadow leaped across the road ahead of us.

“What was that?” asked Isaac.

“Some stupid werewolf.” responded Ayumi. “Who cares, let’s keep going. I think I see the mansion up ahead.”

Within minutes, we had arrived at the front gate of the giant mansion. I approached the door, and rang the door bell. A stone gargoyle opened its mouth, and yelled out;


“Whoa… that was cool.” I stared at the giant gargoyle head with amazement.

“Yay! Hit the button again!!! Again!” shouted Isaac with excitement. I reached for the doorbell with my hand.


“Touch the doorbell again and I’ll kill you.” Threatened Ayumi as she kicked the door open.

The mansion was really quiet, and dark. As soon as we walked in, all the candles suddenly lit up in a brilliant shade of blue, and I as turned, the door suddenly slammed behind us and locked itself.

“Oh no! We’re trapped!” yelled Isaac. “I’m too young to die! I want my mom-

Whoosh! A skeleton leaped onto Isaac’s back and began gnawing at his head. Isaac started screaming and running around in circles.

“Get it off! Get it off plz!” Screamed Isaac as the skeleton continued to bite him.

Ayumi calmly walked up, snatched the skeleton by the neck, and ripped it off of Isaac. She then ripped out one of its arms, and slammed it right back into its head. The skeleton stumbled back, and then fell into pieces.

“Oh. Thanks.” said Isaac. “You know, sometimes when you’re not being mean, you can be pretty awesome-

Whoosh! A skeleton monkey leaped onto Isaac’s face and began punching him in the mouth.

“Not again!” yelled Isaac as he ran down the hallway screaming in terror.


Isaac suddenly ran into a bookshelf, knocking over some old dusty books. A loud cracking sound was heard as a large staircase leading down to the basement was revealed.

“Why don’t I go down first, Isaac.” I suggested. “You’re just way too much of a noob, lol.”

He turned to look at me, then nodded. I began walking down the stairs, while Ayumi followed right after, and Isaac, who was still in tears hid behind her.

There it was. Four flame torches surrounded a hovering oak wood coffin. A mystical blue circle of magic surrounded the center.

“Alright. Let’s bust it open.” said Ayumi. She picked up a giant shovel from nearby, and began hammering at it with all of her strength.

“Help me you noobs.” she demanded. Isaac took out his steel crafted sword, and slashed at the coffin, without even making a scratch.

“Hey! What’s this button for?” I asked curiously. Then I hit it, the coffin began shaking, and the lid started to hover away from the bottom. Then music started coming out of the coffin.


“Free ice cream!” shouted Isaac as he ran towards it.

“No, you idiot!” yelled Ayumi. “Stay back before-


The coffin exploded into pieces, shooting splinters everywhere. A dark shadowy figure rose from within. It had a black wavy cloak, and its eyes glowed like a demon’s.

“Have you seen my teddy bear, er… WHO DARES TO DISTURB MY SLEEP?!?!?”

It was Count Drakken.

“Every man for himself!” Shouted Isaac as he jumped behind a bookcase. Ayumi took out her air runes, and I picked up Isaac’s steel sword and stepped back.

The vampire took a look at us, and the mumbled something to himself.

“Omfg stupid noobs again I hate noobs… Oh well. ”

AHHHHHHHHHHHH! I held out the sword and charged at him. The vampire vanished, then reappeared right behind me.

“Catch, n00by!” said the vampire as he threw a purple donut thing at me.

I caught it with both hands, sniffed it and then took a lick. It tasted funny.

“Spirit, you idiot!” said Ayumi. “That’s the disk of no return! Get rid of it now!”

It was too late…

“Spirit, drop it now!!”

It was too late. The donut thing glowed with a black aura, it started to shake back and forth, and whoosh, a wave of darkness consumed me and sucked me right in. My mind became dizzy, and the only thing I could see was a tunnel filled with darkness. It felt as if I was falling through a bottomless pit.


I opened my eyes. I landed in some strange world. It was a dead forest on a crisp early morning. The sun wasn’t there, and a grayish white haze filled the air. Old and shriveled up leafs filled the ground, as squirrels chased each other around the dense tree filled forest. This strange dimension seemed alright.


Something quickly rushed past me and hit a tree nearby. It was faster than an arrow of any sort. The projectile seemed demonic, as not even a magic spell cast by the strongest mages could match its speed and power. The tree began to bleed in a strange blue-ish color.

Splat! I quickly dashed out of the way, just in time to dodge another shot. This one ripped off several layers of skin from a hollowed log, and a pile of green liquid began oozing out.

I started to run as fast as I could, without turning to look back. All of a sudden I tripped on a branch and fell.


I was shot by the mysterious missile like thing. It stung me on the arm as I yelled out in pain. I turned my head to look at my arm. I was bleeding, I thought. Purple blood began dripping from my arms… purple?!?

A group of alien creatures wearing space suit like uniforms began walking towards me from all sides.
They each had an advanced rifle thing in their hands, and they talked in a weird buzzing sound that I couldn’t understand.
One of the aliens approached me.
He had a nametag sort of thing hanging from his neck, it read “Paul“.

Author’s note. I’m switch the narration standpoint to the “aliens” so the story can be more interesting hehe…

”Andrew! Andrew! I think we shot someone on accident!” I said.

“That’s not good, Paul. There shouldn’t be people just wandering in without wearing special equipment.” said Andrew. “Aww, there goes our paintball game.”

“Wait a minute… I don’t think he’s hurt.” I continued. “Just look at him, he’s just lying there on the ground shouting nonsense. He seems alright to me. What do you think, Mark?” I turned to look at my friend who was standing nearby.

“Hey dude, are you hurt?” asked Mark.

“liek omg who r u whar am i can u plz giv me free stuf i liek lost!!1111” said the blue haired man lying on the ground.

Mark looked up to see Andrew’s reaction. “Haha! Looks like we found a noob! I wonder how he got here in the first place.”

“I don’t know…” I said. “Maybe there’s a glitch in the game that creates a portal between our world and theirs. That would be bad if people found out and started doing bug abuse. We wouldn’t want to be responsible for having a KBD running around London.”

“Aww, there goes our paintball game.” said Andrew. “Oh well, let’s go back to the company and fix it. But first, we should send him back into the game.”

I walked over and found something on the ground. It was a disk of returning. I held it out into my hands and examined it closely.

“That’s amazing!” said Mark. “I’ve never seen an in game item in real life before! I wonder how a dragon longsword would look if it was brought here from the portal…”

“Well, let’s give it back to him now.” I said as I put the disk in the noob’s hand. “Farewell.”

Whoosh! A giant dimension portal ripped open, sucking in the blue haired noob along with dust and leafs about it. Suddenly, a grey-ish rifle went into the portal right before the void closed itself.

“Aww, %#$@!” Yelled Andrew. “There goes my favorite paintball gun!”

Now Spirit the noob is the narrator again. Yeah, yeah, it’s annoying but just deal with it.

Back at Draynor mansion, Ayumi and Isaac continued to fight the vampire and his horde of skeletons.

“Curses! He’s too strong, even for my spells!” Yelled out Ayumi.

“Mhahahahhaha!” The count laughed. “Foolish mortals, how dare you challenge me! Now.. Prepare to die!”

A bright green colored orb of energy appeared in the vampire’s hand. The skeletons began moving in on Ayumi and Isaac. They were surrounded and had no where to run.

“Say goodbye!” Shouted the Count.


I fell right on top of the count just as the portal opened under the ceiling. His spell was disrupted as he was slammed into the ground.

“Now’s our chance!” said Ayumi as she prepared her runes.

“Zypharious Ventus!” A jet of air rushed from Ayumi’s hand. It quickly sliced through the skeletons, cutting them down into piles of broken bones.

“Now, Isaac, kill the Count!” shouted Ayumi.

Isaac did not hesitate twice, and dashed towards the vampire as fast as he could. He drew out his sword and prepared to slice off the vampire’s head when all of a sudden….

SLAM! Oww!!!

Isaac had tripped and fell on his face. The vampire struggled to free himself from under the pile of books and rubble.

“My turn!” I shouted as I picked up the steel sword from the ground. “Take that you evil creature!” I slashed at the vampire, cutting off it’s head.

The Count’s head body began running around in circles like a chicken. It picked up a nearby vase and attached it on its neck.

“You fool!” Shouted the dissevered head. “I’m over here you moron!”

The vampire’s body turned, seemed to have reacted towards it somehow, and began rushing over to it.


“You stepped on me, you worthless monkey!” Shouted the vampire’s head.

The vampire’s body bent down and picked up it’s head. Using one hand it knocked off the vase and the head re-grew itself on the body.

“Now, then.” said the Count. “Where were we… Oh! That’s right.” It took out a box from its pockets.

“Hehehehehe!” the vampire began snickering as it peeked into the box. “Hahahhaha! That’s so funny!”

“I wanna see it!” Isaac protested.

“Oh you do, don’t you little n00by?”
“Yes, now show me plsh.”

The vampire held out the box for Isaac to look in.

“I don’t see anything…” said Isaac.
“Closer…” replied the vampire.

Isaac leaned closer to get a better look at the box. All of a sudden, the vampire smirked.

POW! The count has sucker punched Isaac, knocking him back towards Ayumi.

“Now then you fools, I bid thee farewell!” said the vampire as he screamed with laughter. He jumped over the table, propelling into the air, and Poof! The count has turned into a bat.

“You’ll never catch me alive, n00bs!” The bat taunted us in a high pitched voice.

Ayumi clenched her teeth and threw the unconscious Isaac off. She picked up his sword and ran after the bat. “Come here you little monkey!” She swung the sword at him.

“Pffffffffffft!” The bat blew a raspberry at Ayumi and flew out the window.

“You couldn’t catch me even if you had-


A werewolf had snatched the vampire bat and ate him. Ayumi turned and looked at me in shock. The werewolf continued to chew the bat, then swallowed it and let out a loud burp.

“Well…” said Ayumi. “I guess our work here is done. Let’s get going now, it’s getting pretty late.”

“What about the treasure?” I asked.

“Oh yeah…” Ayumi grinned.

“Ah. What a beautiful morning.” said Ayumi.

She was in an usually good mood. The sun is just beginning to rise, the crisp morning air breezed through the grasslands. A crystal clear lake flowed through the plains, and lush, green trees grew abundant. The birds were chirping and singing as the three of us walked through the ever green grass.

“We’re getting close to Varrock,” said Ayumi. “I can see the barbarian village up ahead. Maybe we should stock up on supplies there and rest for a while before we head into the city.”

“Good idea.” said Isaac. “I’m hungry anyway. What do you think, Spirit?”

*Mumble* *Gulp* “Huh? Ya sure.” I replied as I stuffed the rest of the apple pie into my mouth.

“Spirit!” yelled Ayumi. “Are you hogging those pie again?”

“No.” I answered hesitantly as I wiped my mouth.

Ayumi let out a long sigh. “Spirit… oh well. Let’s go, I’m sure they have some food at the outpost.”

We continued walking until we finally arrived at the village. Warriors wielding axes and spears patrolled the bumpy roads as miners chipped away at the rocks with their pickaxes.

“I see the pub up ahead!” yelled out Isaac. “Let’s go!”

We headed over to the pub, and pushed open the gigantic wooden doors. The entire pub was dark as the catacombs. The warriors that lurked within all sat and drank their ale and beers. All the barbarians and travelers from all over Misthalin sat around a mysterious glowing box and watched it with amazement.

“Oh my gosh!!!!111” I shouted out. “It’s a magic box! I wanna go watch the magic box!”

I ran towards the crowd, leaping over a stinky, hairy fat man drinking a dwarves stout.

“Watch it ye stoopid monkey!” shouted the man angrily.

But I paid no attention to him whatsoever. Instead, I continued dashing along the wooden and carpet floor, running towards the magic box without stopping.

“Well, we might as well get something to drink too.” said Ayumi. “I swear… what is it with noobs and magic boxes? At least you’re not into those things, Isaac.. Isaac?”

“Find me a seat plsh, Spirit!” yelled Isaac as he ran after me.

After about two minutes of squeezing and shoving through sweaty, stinky barbarians, Isaac and I have finally found a spot and sat down. There it was, the magic box glowing with all its magnificence and glory, the amazing, state of the art, ninth century invention that stormed the world. The magic box, made by Zony the great mage in the lands far east, the great inventor and-

“Ahhhhh! Omgomgomgomgomg it’s my favorite magic box show!!!11” screamed Isaac.

The magic box began to flicker. Its glass panel lit up in a brilliance of rainbow colored lights, and flash! A picture of a sewer and a giant apple-pie appeared on the screen. Then all of a sudden a homeless, one eyed mugger appeared and began singing in a loud raspy voice.
(AUTHOR’S NOTE: Psst… sing the song with the tune of Spongebob… heh )

OHHH! Who lives in a shoebox under the streets?
GenieRob Chunkypants!
Swirly and blue and mystical is he!
GenieRob Chunkypants!
If magic and funnies be something you wish,
GenieRob Chunkypants!
Then dance on the manhole and fall in a ditch!
GenieRob Chunkypants!
GenieRob Chunkypants!
GenieRob… Chunkypants! Do Ba De Do Ba Do Be Doop!

YAY! All the warriors and travelers began to cheer and shout, while everyone else sipped their drinks and focused all their attention on the magic box.

“Aww com’on!” Ayumi complained. “What are you? Seven? No one watches GenieRob anymore! That show is soo lame! It’s as if some stupid 14 year old kid came up with it as a bad pun for some lame-o story!”

Shhhhh! Everyone turned and looked at Ayumi angrily.

“Oh fine! Watch your stupid show!” mumbled Ayumi.



The pub roared with laughter as everyone closely watched the GenieRob Chunkypants show. GenieRob was now making rat grilled cakes and serving them to skeletons as a monkey crawled out of the toilet and tried to steal the secret formula for making rat cakes.

“I love this show!” said Isaac as he attempted to talk while laughing his head off.

“I know!” I replied. “Isn’t this great? It’s an eight hour marathon of GenieRob Chunkypants!”

“Ugh… aren’t you guys tired of this yet?” asked Ayumi. “You’ve been watching this for the past three hours! Don’t you think we need to head towards Varrock now?”

“But it’s an eight hour marathon!” responded Isaac. “And they’re brand new episodes too! I love GenieBob, it’s the greatest show ever!”

“Come on, guys!” yelled Ayumi. “ We… have… to… leave… NOW!!!!!”

SMASH! A beer glass flew towards the magic box and smashed the screen into pieces, a sharp glass breaking sound was amplified into the entire room as the magic box exploded, spewing out chunks of glass, wood, and rope everywhere.

All the barbarians and stood up and glared at Ayumi angrily. The biggest, ugliest man stood up and walked towards her.


“Calm down, Gunther.” said a lady as she ran and grabbed the man’s arm. “She’s only a girl, let’s just settle down and talk this over, I’m sure we can fix it.”

“AHHH! YOO STAY OUTTA THIS JANICE!! NOW I CANT WATCH ME SHOW!!! I ARE MAD!!!! ME SMASH SOMEBODYS” shouted Gunther as he swung his fists in rage. Then he turned to Ayumi. “YOU! PURPOL HAIR GIRL! FIX BOX NOW OR ELSE!!”

“Or else what?” demanded Ayumi.

“Uh…” said Gunther in hesitation. “ME GONNA PUT HURTZ ON YOU!”


“Oh, shut up you big cluts.” said Ayumi as she dropped a raw trout to her feet. “Those magic boxes are bad for you. Its rumored to have turned people into cabbages.”

“I HATE YOO AND I HATEZ VEGGYS! MAGIC BOX NOW OR PAIN!!” Shouted Gunther as he picked up a giant wooden table and slammed it at Ayumi. The entire crowd gasped in shock.

“Ayumi! Watch out!”

WHAM! The wooden table smashed right into the stone paved floor in the pub, and broke into two pieces. All eyes were focused on Ayumi and Gunther as the eerie silence filled the pub.

Ayumi picked herself back up from the ground and dusted off her cloak. She took her a handkerchief and wiped the dirt off from her arms and looked up. Gunther flinched and stepped back. Ayumi picked up a beer mug and hurled it at Gunther, hitting him right in the face.

The entire crowd gasped once more, and the bartender ran into the backroom in a hurry. I looked at Isaac to see his reaction. He was scared. He looked really pale and started moving away from the crowd. Then suddenly a crippled old man walked slowly towards the middle, picking up a chair as he suddenly grinned.


The old man yelled out at the top of his lungs, and swung the chair and SMACK! Knocked over a caped warrior and sending him flying over the tables.

“The first blood has been drawn!” yelled the bartender as he ran out of the backroom wielding a giant club. “Bring it on you suckers!!”

The entire room suddenly burst into mass chaos. Everyone started beating each other up with random objects as Isaac wandered around picking up free stuff and people’s teeth.

“RAWRH!!!!!!!!!” yelled Gunther as he gripped his hands firmly on the giant beer keg. He ripped it up right from the marble counter and chucked it at Ayumi.

Whoosh! The giant marble counter flew across the room and smashed into pieces along the wall. Dust and debris spread throughout the room as everyone scrambled in fear and pandemonium.

“Spirit, grab Isaac and get the heck out of here!” yelled Ayumi. “There are too many of them for me to fight… Spirit?!?”

*Munch munch* “Good pie…” I mumbled to myself. “Oh, huh? Right!” I began searching for Isaac and ran into the crowd. People were screaming and shouting as they continued to bash each other with chairs and whatever weapon they could find.

“Isaac! Where are you?” I shouted. No response. I continued to push through the crowd towards the other side of the room, while the wave of people struggled and fought.

“Eat fist you little n00beh!” shouted a chubby knight in steel armor as he swung his fist at me. I couldn’t dodge it fast enough and got knocked off of my feet, stumbling backwards and falling into a pile of drunken archers.

“Spirit!” shouted Isaac. I turned around and saw him laying on the floor in a pile of gravy and toast crumbs.

“Dude!” Isaac continued. “This is good shtuf… *hic… here, hab some.”

He handed me a piece of crispy bread with gravy on it, I sniffed it and then ate it in one gulp.

“This is good! Let’s stock up on this stuff before we head into the city!” I began to shove the pieces of bread into my backpack, as Isaac took packages of gravy from the condiment stand at the same time.

“Alright, now let’s get out of here.” I said to Isaac.

Isaac took out a lollipop and shoved it in his mouth. “Mkay, tak the lead.”

We began walking towards the exit, while the entire room continued to rumble as chairs and old people flew across the room.

“Aww, crap!” exclaimed Isaac as he suddenly stopped.

“What’s wrong now?” I asked.

“I dropped my lollipop, help me find it man!” replied Isaac as he bent down and started searching for his sucker.

“Dude! Forget the candy!” I yelled back. “You’re gonna get trampled by the crowd if you stay too low in this fight! Isaac!… Darn it…”

I crouched down and started crawling through the crowd in search of my friend. “Isaac! Where are you!” I shouted as loud as I could.

“I found my lollipop!” yelled Isaac. “It’s stuck on some pink thing! Help me pull it off!”

“Um, Isaac…? I don’t think you should…”

“Stupid lollipop!” cried Isaac as he pulled it with all his strength.

“That’s not such a good idea, Isaac!! it’s stuck to some-

KERSHHHHHHHH! A ripping sound of fabric shot echoed throughout the entire room as everyone stopped and turned to look at Isaac‘s direction.

“Yay! I got my lollipop!” said Isaac happily. “Ooh, a pink dress?”

The pub was now completely silent. Everyone stared at Isaac and a pink haired girl that stood next to him.

EEEEEEEKKKKKKKK! Screamed the pink haired girl at the top of her lungs.

Author’s note- Scene change.

Twenty miles away, at the palace in the glorious city of Varrock.

“A toast, gentlemen, to another successful year!” The King of Varrock spoke as he held out a crystal cup filled with wine.

“Cheers!” said the Minister of Port Sarim as the Prince of Al Karid, Count of Mortania and the mayor of Draynor raised their cups.

Smash!! All of a sudden the glasses shattered as the mosaic above them broke into shards.

“Hmm… that’s not a good sign.” said the King of Varrock.

Author’s note- Scene change.

An hour later, outside the city limits of Varrock.

“Well, I think we’ve learned a lesson here, haven’t we Isaac?” asked Ayumi in an annoyed tone.

“Man, that chick was really angry, lol.” I turned to Isaac and laughted.

“Just be glad she didn’t kill you, haha.” said Ayumi as she walked towards the setting sun in the east. The west gate of varrock was now within sight, and Ayumi ran charismatically towards the golden city beyond the horizon.

“Who’s gonna help me carry Isaac’s cast!” I complained

“Spirit… Spirit, wake up.”

“Uh… just 5 more minutes… go away.”

“WAKE UP YOU STUPID NOOBHEADS!!!!!!!!!” yelled Ayumi as I opened my eyes to the bright morning sun.

“Rise and shine, stupid!” greeted Ayumi as she smiled. “Come on you sleepyheads! Let’s head into the city before the traffic blocks up all out!”

Ayumi walked over and kicked Isaac in his sleeping bag. “Up and at ‘em, n00beh!”

I walked over to the stream and dipped my head in. The cool crisp water felt refreshing. Isaac got up and roll away his sleeping back, then walked over to the fire and picked up a roasted trout.

“So what’s the big deal with Varrock?” asked Isaac as he began chewing on the roasted fish.

“Well, it is the biggest trading and market gathering spot on this side of the world.” said Ayumi. “The city consists of many different sections, and just the town square alone usually has about 300 people on a normal day.”

“Boooooring!” Isaac complained. “I wanna go get some armor and buy a portable magic box so we can watch GenieBob while traveling. It gets way too boring in the woods just throwing imps into rivers and watching them choke.”

“Bloody hell…. No.” Ayumi responded. “There’s no way we can ever find enough gold to afford a portable magic box, and even if we did, I’m won’t let you noobs waste it on a stupid thing like that. Now come on, hurry up and finish eating to we can get going.”

We finished our breakfast and began walking towards the west gate of the city. The city’s tall skyscrapers were within view, and the sun shined brightly as ever beyond the golden city of riches.

“Here we are.” said Ayumi. “Looks like we made it in good time, the streets aren’t nearly as crowded compared to usual. Alright. Let’s split up, here’s 30 coins for the both of you, now go around and buy some stuff, I’m going to try and sell that broken ruby ring that I found. Now Spirit, follow Isaac and keep an eye-

“Come back Santa!!” screamed Isaac as he chase after a man wearing a santa clause hat. “I’ve been a good boy this year! Present plz!!!111”

“Okay then…” Ayumi blinked. “Well, just meet me at the east bank when you’re done shopping for junk. Whatever you do, don’t wander into the slums, that’s where they torture noobs for begging, and-

I ran towards the city square as Ayumi’s voice slowly faded into the distance. The city of Varrock really is magnificent! Travelers from all over the world gathered and traded items near a marble carved fountain in the middle of the city, and crowds of hundreds walked along the streets wearing their most priced possession.

“Hey there sweetie, wanna have some fun with me?” said a blond girl wearing a skimpy blue dress as she came up to me and winked.

“Okay! Let’s go and pick cabbages together!” I responded enthusiastically.

“Uh… sir, you’re a bit slow in the head, aren’t you?” she continued. “I mean.. ‘fun’ as in… you know?”

“Oh!” I replied. “I get it now! You mean fun as in begging for free stuff?”

The blonde girl looked at me with a funny expression on her face. She turned and began walking away. “Ugh…. n00bs.”

“Bye! If you ever want to pick cabbages with me, you can find me near the green tree!” I waved as the girl slowly disappeared down the street. Wow. People are so kind in this city. I wonder if there’s anyone else here that are as nice as her.

I continued walking down the alleyway, taking a left near a sign that says “Entar at yor own ricks”, whatever that means. A man wearing an iron helmet and a pink skirt was sitting on the sidewalk. He seemed to have gathered a crowd around him. Maybe he was selling something…

“Ladies and gentlemen! This is a once in a life time offer of cheap armor trimming, at the lowest cost to you but of the highest quality! Step right up and deposit your armor, and see it shine with a gold, silver, or pink trim! Don’t miss this perfect opportunity to impress your wife or husband with this stylish new armor for only 300 coins per trim! Step right up now!”

Ooooooh. The crowd gasped and began clapping. A toothless old man walked up to the armor trimmer and gave him a bronze square shield along with a bag of coins.

“Herr.” the old man said. “Thif iz a family heirloom, pleafe trim it well, thank you.”

The armor trimmer accepted the shield and placed it in a wooden crate. “Are there anymore-

YOU’RE UNDER ARREST!!! A voice yelled out from over the fence. A guard wielding a steel spear began climbed over the fence and walked up to the armor trimmer.

“THIS IS THE VRPD! PUT YOUR HANDS OVER YOUR HEAD AND DO NOT MOVE!” The guard shouted as an overweight guard began climbing over the fence.


Bam! The overweight guard fell off the fence, landing on the other guard.

“Cheese it, it’s the cops!” yelled the armor trimmer as three thugs began picked up the wooden crate full of armor and began running.

“Aww, dude! Lay off the donuts from now on!” Complained the first guard. “Hurry, after them! They’re getting away!”

The armor trimmer ran towards me, and WHAM! Knocked me over and grabbed my backpack.

“Thanks, kid. This is mine now!” said the armor trimmer as he ran.

“Give that back you jerk!” I yelled and began chasing after him.

“Nyah nyah! You’re a stupid n00by and I’m rich, I‘m rich- Ooof!”. The armor trimmer ran right into a brick wall and feel over.

“Ha! Serves you right!” I taunted him as I picked up my backpack. The armor trimmer suddenly jumped right back up, snatched the backpack away and continued running.

“Darn you!” I chased after the armor trimmer through the alleyway and into the town square. The two guards followed by, riding on horses.

“Crap!” yelled the fat guard. “He went into the crowd!”

“Don’t worry!” responded the other guard. “Let’s cut through traffic and head him off up north.”

“Good idea! Let‘s use the sirens!” The two guards charged at into the crowd, as one of them began shouting “Whee Whoo! Whee Whoo!” over and over again.

“Aww man, I’m tired of being the siren.” complained the fat guard. “It’s your turn.”

“Shut up and keep chasing!”

Authors note: This is in Isaac's view. Enjoy!

Whoosh! A wooden bolt suddenly shot through the air and impaled a wooden fence, hitting and killing an imp on the other side.

*Pant pant*

Whew, I’ve been running for the last twenty minutes now from those guys in the black suits. I think they’re mad at me for stealing their bronze kite shield, but at least I got out of their house in one piece.

It all started three hours ago while I was following Santa Clause. I was begging for free stuff while bugging me so he took me to the south, no wait, east, west, uh… weast! Yeah, that’s it, um, the weast side of the town with a whole bunch of ugly fat rocks and people in black robes. They were magicians of some sort and all started shooting fireballs at me. I ran over to one of the and kicked him in the knees and poked him in the stomach with my steel sword and then ran.

Then I remember follow some cloaked stranger through an alleyway, and then sneaking into a hidden house of some sort and taking a bronze kite shield from this one man. He seemed pretty angry, then his entire gang tried to beat me up, but I was too smart for them.

“Look! There he is!” yelled a voice over the fence.

Crap! They found me!!111 I gotta start running!!1///

Whoosh! Tak Tak Tak Tak!!! Wooden bolts started spraying from the other side of the fence and made Swiss cheese out of everything nearby. I picked up the shield, tied it to my behind, and started running towards the town square.

“Come on! You idiots!” yelled a one armed man wielding a crossbow. “Let’s get him before he runs away! We’re not called the infamous Phoenix Mafia for nothing!”

I continued to ran towards the exit of the alleyway, and the gang started firing at me with their crossbows once more.

Tak Tak Tak Tak Tak! A volley of bolts flew through the air, rushing past me and barely missing my arm by an inch.

“He’s getting away boss!” yelled a man with a long purple beard.

“Hurry! To the Phoenix-mobile!” shouted the one armed man as everyone started to run back. Within a minute later, some giant mechanical wooden cart bashed through a wooden fence and began charging towards me, crushing everything in its path.

Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na! An annoying singing sound came from the speakers of the machine. Whoosh! The giant wooden cart began glowing and a wooden mechanical plane came out from the top hatch as it opened.

“You won’t escape from us!” a voice came from the wooden plane. “No one steals from phoenix gang and gets away with it!”

I began running for my life, dashing past trash cans and knocking them over. The end of the alleyway was near, I could see the bright daylight shining just beyond the apothecary’s shop at the end.

“I got him on sight, boss!” yelled the purple bearded man.

“Aim and fire!” screamed the one armed man. “Kill him! Kill him! Kill him!”

I could feel the plane taking aim on me with whatever weapon it had equipped. I remember about five years ago I was begging money from a gnome, and then it took out a rock rifle thing and shot me in the mouth and made my lips swell. It wasn’t very nice. Gnome planes are really dangerous, I don’t like dwarfs, although their town had pretty good food, and-


Something shot out from the plane’s wooden wings and flew towards my head. I jumped as far as I could and then drove behind a dumpster.


Ow! I’m hit! I’m dead. No!!!1111 I don’t want to die!!!111oneoneshiftelventyseven!!11

I hit the ground and fell over on the cold, concrete floor. The bronze kite shield dropped with my arms and make a sharp clanking sound as it hit the ground. I slowly opened my eyes and saw blood dripping from the back of my head, as it slowly made a puddle near where I fell.

Am I really dead? I can’t die yet. I have to know if my blood really taste good, like some monkey told me once in my dream. Hmm, that was a pretty weird dream. I was begging for free stuff when a monkey came out of nowhere and gave me chocolate pudding. Mmm… pudding. Now I’m hungry, I hope they have pudding and fr33 st0f wherever I go after death.

I gathered the last of my strength within my body and dipped my finger in the red puddle. I opened my mouth slowly and licked my finger, which was covered in my own blood. I closed my eyes slowly and tastes my own blood, it was kinda good, reminded me of… ketchup?!?

“You idiot!” screamed the one armed man. “Didn’t you replace the gnome rifle with …. Whatever you put in a rifle?”

“Uh… it wasn’t me, boss!” shouted the purple bearded man. “The plane shot ketchup from the gun thingies ever since we stole it! And me ‘n da’ guys didn’t change it ‘cause it was good fer makin’ giant burgers. Ain’t that right, two bit?”

“You can say that again!” responded the bald man who drove the giant wooden cart.

“Gahhh! That’s it you stupid worthless doofus-heads!” shouted the one armed man as he punched the cardboard wall on the wooden cart. “No more cheese puffs for you!”

The purple bearded man and the ball man gasped. “We’re sorry boss!” pleaded the purple bearded man. “I’ll get him fer’ ya, I promise! Just please, don’t take away the cheese puffs! Two bit loves the cheese puffs!”

The bald man turned and made a puppy face.

“Aww, crud!!! you know I can’t stand the puppy face, forget you idiots!” yelled the one armed man. “I’m gonna kill that no good thief with my own hands, er.. Hand!”

The wooden cart suddenly burst open, and a metal cage shot out, and landed behind me. The cage burst open, and the one armed man appeared in a cloud of dust and haze.

“I’m gonna rip you apart, you no good noob!” the one arm man threatened me as he grabbed his vest and pulled on the empty sleeve.

“No way!” yelled the purple bearded man. “The boss is gonna…! He’s gonna…!!!”

Pop! Another arm with a wooden splint and bandaged cast came out from the sleeve. The one, er… two armed man growled. “Grrr! The doctor said I weren’t supposed to punch people with this arm till next week, but I’ll make an exception just for you!”

He charged at me and swung his fist towards my face, I tried to run but tripped on the bronze kite. The giant fist was getting closer.. Closer.. Closer!!!!

Accendo Flarious!

A huge orb of fire sudden came from nowhere, hit the man and knocking him back into the fence as his hair caught on fire. I turned around and saw a dark figure in the shadows of the alleyway.

“Ayumi!!!” I shouted.

Author’s note: This chapter is in Ayumi’s narration point, notice the pattern anyone?

“Selling adamantine plate mail, only fourteen thousand coins!”
“Paying seven hundred gold for a mithril hand blade!”
“Trading away roasted lobsters for steel forged arrows!”

Ack. The annoying shouting in the marketplace was too much for me. It’s always been like that, ever since I grew up here a long time ago. The streets of varrock had always been filled with people shouting out trade requests, I hate these stupid idiots. The world is filled with them. This town is no longer what it used to be, the quiet village with barely a couple of hundred people have developed into a bustling city that now has a population of two thousand.

“selng bronz plat 4 a r00n weapn!1111”

Ugh, apparently it’s gotten worse. I better cash in this ring and go find Spirit and Isaac before they get themselves into any trouble. Damn this stupid city. I never had expected it to change so much in the last ten years..

“hey can u plz giv me sum fr33 money?11//shiftoneone!1111” said a man as he pulled on my robes.

“What do you want?” I turned around. A scrawny man with a blue mustache was standing behind me. He wore an orange colored necklace with some kind of a fake plastic gem in the middle, and had a bronze dagger tucked away at his belt. His shirt was all torn up, and wore a raggedy black cape.

“plz.” begged. “i ned teh money 2 feed my kity. She hasnt eatn nothin in teh last two weks!11.”

My heart softened. Maybe this person is much more than just an annoying common beggar. He actually cares for others even when he has nothing himself.

“Alright. Here.” I took out a handle of coins and handed them to the beggar as I smiled. “Don’t waste them.”

“omg wow thx u lady!111” replied the beggar. “her, i gotz sumthin for u.”

The man began searching for his pockets, took out a glistering shard of sapphire and placed it in my hands.

“Oh. Why thank you.” I responded.

“k no

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